Finally, a Win….

For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that ‘unless you love yourself, no one else will love you…’The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.

Bruce D. Perry

I have to admit, I really struggled putting this post together. I wrote it, deleted it, wrote it and edited it. I stewed on it. It’s so easy to write about the bad things. It’s so raw, like an exposed nerve and there’s comfort in it, in revisiting what you were used to for so long. But writing about the ups seems so much harder for me. So I’m going to fumble through what is undoubtedly one of the best things to ever happen to me…

It’s exhausting going from one relationship to another, especially when they’re all wrong. I wish that I could say that with the therapy I received at the second stage women’s facility, I broke the cycle of undesirable relationships but I didn’t. It would take me another 3 years, one narcissist and two alcoholics to finally get it right. And when I did, it was a game changer.

Being in a healthy relationship is like medicine for the soul. The smallest drops of affection and care can cause a ripple across your whole being. He is tall, dark and handsome, kind and caring. He knows what it is like to be broken and is always careful when handling my shards and pieces. He is patient. He understands how debilitating depression can be. We have open conversations about mental health and the need for a multi-prong approach to my wellness. He is the epicentre of my support system and he’s the first man to ever show me real love.

Picture it, Calgary – December 2013….

I’m laying on my bed on the phone with him, a friend at the time. I was secretly in love with him from the moment I met him but that’s a different story for another time. I was moaning and complaining how I was finally done with men. He wasn’t having much luck with women either and that’s when he suggested we try and give it a go. I nearly fell off the bed. We haven’t looked back since.

I wake up every day incredulous that I stumbled upon such an incredible human being. It feels like I won the relationship lottery after years of blazing dumpster fires. Let’s face it, I practically had third degree burns but he doesn’t care about my scars. I know, it sounds cheesy but I’m gonna bring it all (mozza, cheddar, marble, Brie, gorgonzola, swiss, goat and blue) because he is the epicenter of my support system and I adore this man to death.

Every relationship goes through it’s bumps and curves and ours has been through it’s share of peaks and valleys. Over the last 7 years I have struggled with depression like I never had before, triggered by several different events and the one constant is this man. His unwavering loyalty and strength, a rock for our family. I was about to go on the scariest rollercoaster ride yet but at least now I had someone sitting next to me, holding my hand.

It all started with… (oooh see what I did there? See ya tomorrow!)

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