I tried to get up with the first alarm, but I couldn’t. The blankets have claimed me as one of their own and I cannot seem to abandon them. They’re cozy and warm, welcoming. Two alarms later and I sneak my toes out to touch the floor and it’s chilly. I retract my foot under the covers and shiver. I hate winter. I rollover and the dog is staring at me. He yawns and his breath is so foul that I’m forced out of bed.
I wash my face, apply my moisturizer, and apply my mascara. Today I forget to draw on my eyebrows but I do add some other elements to my routine. I throw on some eyeliner, eye shadow and lipstick. I am getting wild and crazy! It may not seem much to you but for me, these are big steps in self-care.
I get dressed in the cute outfit that I laid out for myself the night before and examine myself in the mirror. I twist and turn making sure I don’t look lumpy and frumpy anywhere. Damn girl, you lookin’ fine today! I give myself a smile. It’s been a long time since I’ve liked the way I look.
Determined to stay on track for eating healthy, I fill my lunch kit with fresh fruit, veggies, cheese and almonds. My inner devil is appalled but I quietly say, ‘not today, Satan!’. I’m not putting up with your bullshit today. I am doing my best to exorcise the demon and cast it out of my body.
Throughout the day I’m steady. I don’t make any stops on my way back to work after lunch, no 7-11, no slurpees. I do feel a slight bit of a pout, but I am determined to be good today. And the rest of the afternoon goes by without any blips.
Supper time however, is another story. We’re having KD and hot dogs as requested by the Bear. I decide that I will eat smaller portions than I normally would. Instead of two hot dogs, I’ll only have one. Instead of half a pot of KD, I’ll measure out 1 cup. I’ll add cucumber and red peppers to round out the meal. It’s not a huge leap as far as healthy eating goes but I know that portion control helps and moving away from old eating habits is a must. I feel pretty good about this.
The highlight of my night is playing Dungeons and Dragons over Zoom with Darren, my nephew Tavish and his classmate Owen. Yes, we are nerds and I love this quality time with my boys, adventuring in imaginary worlds on exciting campaigns fighting bigger than life creatures and villains. There is something to be said about losing yourself in another world, much like reading books. We create characters and give them back stories, we wage war, we save helpless victims. My bucket is full.
I glance over at my yellow gym mat and stare it down. I grab my runners out of a backpack and place them on my dresser. I pull out some yoga pants and a tank top and fold them nicely, placing them on top of my shoes. Tomorrow. Tomorrow we’ll exercise. It doesn’t have to be much…