An Affair

Alright, I’ll just admit it. I’m having an affair. I hide it, sneaking around like a criminal. It’s incredibly indulgent and delicious. I feel remorse and shame and I’m embarrassed that this is what it’s come to.

I’m having an affair with chocolate.

It probably sounds silly but just like a real romantic affair would, it’s ruining my life. I want to be good and be healthy, but chocolate calls out to me, screaming for consumption. I’m too weak to resist. I’m pathetic.

If there is chocolate of any sort in the house, I will seek it out and gorge on it. I will slip downstairs in the middle of the night when I’m letting the dog out and sigh with satisfaction while I’m shoving a pop tart down my throat. I’ve hid in the pantry and eaten cookies.

I can’t escape it. When I go grocery shopping, I’ll always buy a chocolate bar or two and then sit in my car and enjoy it before setting off for home. I try to conceal the evidence. I’ll find the closest garbage can and throw out the wrappers that have been gathering in my car.

At home I’ll bury wrappers and containers in the kitchen garbage. I will literally lift other garbage up to place my dirty secret underneath so as not to be detected. Any opportunity to have chocolate, I will take. Out for supper? Must do dessert! Going on a road trip? Snacks!

This is exactly like an affair. Delicious and satisfying in the moment but regret and shame abound after the fact. Chocolate is dependable. It’s there for me when I’m sad, stressed, happy, anxious. It’s my go to. Sometimes I’m on autopilot with it, I’m incapable of stopping the purchase or the binge.

I need to stop. I want to stop (at least I think I do). What would life without chocolate be like? Miserable. And I’m not capable of doing anything in moderation, especially not chocolate. So, it would have to be all or nothing. Is that realistic? I don’t know. I’m conflicted.

What could I use to supplement chocolate? What, in the realm of healthy foods, compares to chocolate?? I’m open to suggestions on what might have worked for someone.

I need to stop this unhealthy relationship. It’s no good for me or my thighs which rub together uncomfortably when I walk or try to run. It’s crippling my ability to use the stairs. It’s awful for my complexion. I won’t get started on my pre-Diabetes.

So, I will try to cut out chocolate. I anticipate being cranky, especially if anyone around me is indulging (those bastards). I’ll start with little goals first. One week without chocolate (seems doable), then another week and hopefully at some point I’ll see some results and know that it’s worth it.

Damn you chocolate, you silky creature, you. You’re going to be hard to quit but I’m done sneaking around. Someone get me some carrots…

5 responses to “An Affair”

  1. Chocolate sounds like a binge food for you. I try not to buy binge foods in the first place. Life cereal was a binge food for me. Something that I liked too much. You hide the wrappers. Do you feel guilty afterwards?

    Like

    1. Hiya! I definitely do binge junk food and especially chocolate. I always feel guilty and mad at myself after, a lot of self loathing. Even if it’s not in the house, I will seek it out.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The weight gain makes me put on the breaks. You mustn’t gain that easily.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You could always try bliss balls as an alternative. I think about doing it all the time but just haven’t taken the time to make any, so I have no good recipes for you to try, sorry. Lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I haven’t hear of bliss balls. I’m totally looking that up!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: